he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
