"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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