whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
