We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
