It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
where are my eyebrows?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
