now i know why i became what i already was.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
