My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize