evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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