It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
