so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
