I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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