Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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