You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
