How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
