I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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