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I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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