Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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