If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
