Betty ford says i'm here all night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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