Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
