They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
