apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
