the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
