At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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