my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
