6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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