There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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