Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
