I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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