does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a hot homeless man
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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