we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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