If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
