honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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