She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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