I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
