Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
