I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
