Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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