Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
