All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize