So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
