cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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