thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
