tell your sister to shave her snatch
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
