How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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