Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
