East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
