My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
