I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
