it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
