so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
