apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
