look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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