Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
