hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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