Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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