so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
