I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
