did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
