The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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