I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
