but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
