so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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