At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
