you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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