I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
