I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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