maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
