It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
