Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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