how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
