Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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