Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize