I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
