'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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