Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
