im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize