So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how drunk are you?
Several
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
