Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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