Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
