His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize