We won't sleep together?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Naked. naked and bneed help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
