I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
