Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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