a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
