ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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