there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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