did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
