my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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