I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am available for nakedness
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
