I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He has the fingertips of a God
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