I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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