do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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