and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
