ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
