She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
