Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
