Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize